I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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