Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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