you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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