So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
