For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
