Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
