i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
