separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
