8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
