Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
