yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
sex in a hospital.. check
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
