i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
