I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
