Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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