obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
