im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
