Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
