i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
