I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
