Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
