The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
