Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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