seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
