I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
foreskin is a definite game changer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
