her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
