The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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