a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
