i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
