i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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