Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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