His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
