i think i have two assholes
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
