I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
