Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
