My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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