Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
