Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
do nipples grow back?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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