4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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