I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
