when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
