you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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