Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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