Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
