Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
pray to the hookup gods
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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