I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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