no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
