brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sext me about skeletons
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
