Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I want to be your penis for a week.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
