Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
