he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
