Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
