WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
