Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
